There’s a place by where I work
Where seagulls dance,
Where pelicans play into the dip, catch a fish or two
By the place I work, I see a hummingbird
tiny and illustrious
it flies by my window
looking for spiders and making eye contact
fearless little thing
fluttering and smug
asking me if I’m happy today
In its curiosity, it hits my window hard
and I watch it crash and burn
sorry that took a wild turn
but this isn’t about how hummingbirds die,
or how I don’t have an answer for its question
it’s about my center of gravity
Like everything in my life, my world, round it goes, always circling back to me.
I watch the bay move with the tide,
and I wonder how something so plain can be so beautiful,
when was the last time I felt this kind of awe?
Scientists say that awe wears off with familiarity
and that it’s a lot like fear
I wonder if I fear this beauty
that one day it will disappear, or one day, I will
By this place where I work,
I see all kinds of life.
A lavender bloom, a eucalyptus shoot, some wild geese poop
and me, and a friend wondering, why this whole city smells like the inside of a shoe.
Some days I wake up, with longing for someone lost
a grief I anticipate for what the future will bring
Some days I wake up, a fight in my mind
counting how many more, I’ll get of those with my mum.
Some days I wake up, with a smile on my face,
like the world is my oyster, and I, a single lone shiny pearl, alone in my brilliance
Some days, I wake up, without a care in the world
but everyday, when I walk
to this place that’s by my work,
I ask myself over and over again,
Do I finally feel happy today?
For what do I know, what happiness could be,
when I’ve been measuring it in unusual sensitivity
Every day, my heart takes flight, like a hummingbird in song,
and some days, it lives up to the beat, for tomorrow’s nectar to come
And some days, it crashes with force
it feels like the only way
asking me the same question over and over again,
Am I finally happy today?
